


WTNV Fictober Day 2: What I Last Searched For

by Sasston



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 16:40:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4927174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasston/pseuds/Sasston
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here's my day two! Like last time, this is also available on my Tumblr, welcome-to-nv. (Prompt: "Write whatever fanfiction you were looking for last time you went looking. (a certain au, a certain pairing, whatever genre, that sort of thing)") This one is a little bit more personal, because the last thing I went searching for was Cecil having lyme disease, because he'd mentioned it twice but never elaborated. So, if you've ever wanted to see that, congrats, you've come to the right place! More info is in the notes inside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	WTNV Fictober Day 2: What I Last Searched For

**Author's Note:**

> To set this up a little bit, most of the that happens in this fic I've done in the past few months, since my best friend got sick. This one is really very personal but I'm posting it out here in the void for someone to see for a reason I don't really know, but I just feel like I should. I don't know, really, but I guess I hope someone reading this will feel noticed or something. Anyways, forward to the fic! If it sounds a little rushed or like I'm rambling in places, please let me know where so I can fix it, okay? Okay! Enjoy!

The day Cecil was diagnosed with lyme disease was the day Carlos’s life changed irreversibly. The idea that the headaches Cecil had been complaining of for the last couple of weeks were that serious rocked Carlos to the bone. It wasn’t the first diagnosis Cecil had been given, but it did make the most sense, so there was no doubt in Carlos’s mind that it was true. The hard part wasn’t the initial diagnosis. It was the days that followed.

Carlos would get calls from Cecil in the middle of the day. He was just sick, and needed to be home immediately. Every time he got one of those calls or saw Cecil in that state, he felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. It was more than he could take to see his boyfriend in so much pain.

For the first two months, every day Carlos saw Cecil, he looked awful. The look on his face was enough to show Carlos that he was feeling horrible, and it made Carlos knit his eyebrows in concern. If Cecil was actually out of bed when Carlos was there, Carlos would almost always have to catch him to make sure he didn’t fall over. And yet, these weren’t even the hardest times.

After the initial virus had passed, the symptoms stayed. Once, Carlos-who wasn’t intrusive enough to ask Cecil or his doctor, Teddy Williams, outright-found himself googling when it would all go away. Well, more specifically, what the chances of death were. It had been a hard night, and Carlos was too worried to sleep, too worried to think about anything. Anyway, he’d found that the symptoms could last anywhere from 2-4 years after the initial virus, only sending more tears out of Carlos. He was very careful not to ever let Cecil see him cry. The minute Cecil knew that this was affecting Carlos, he would be sad, and he’d start to push Carlos away so he wouldn’t get hurt. No, Carlos had to go through this alone.

Everyone had stopped having sympathy on Carlos months ago by the time Cecil was slightly able to get back out there. People would ask Carlos how Cecil was doing without any thought about how it might be making him feel. Now, he didn’t want to neglect Cecil’s pain, of course not! The whole reason for his pain was Cecil’s pain, same word, different meaning, but it wasn’t Cecil’s fault, and he didn’t mean to insinuate that Cecil’s pain didn’t matter, only that his did too. But, so far, he kept quiet.

It was hard to be social in the place of Cecil. Cecil had a way with things that Carlos didn’t, and Carlos never knew how to make up for Cecil’s presence. In fact, he didn’t even think that was possible. Whenever he had to do something without Cecil, especially when he knew Cecil would usually be there, he got so overwhelmingly sad.

This, though, was something he could never bring up to Cecil. Whenever they did get to go on dates or at least just hang out while Cecil felt okay-never good, mind you, just okay enough-Carlos never wanted to talk about that. Well, obviously he wanted to know how Cecil was doing. It was a question that was always on his mind since Cecil had banned him from asking it. No, he only wanted to talk about town gossip, or science, or whatever other fun topic popped into their heads.

Carlos knows that Cecil might still have a chance of dying from this. Every day he prays that it won’t happen. When things get bad, he cries over that. He cries when Cecil talks about all the things he has to miss. He cries when Cecil has to miss things. He wonders why it had to be Cecil. He doesn’t know what he’ll do with himself if Cecil dies. But this is how things are now, and Carlos has no choice but to accept it. And he doesn’t really mind. Sure, it’s hard, and painful, and scary, but Carlos refuses to abandon him now. He’s Cecil’s boyfriend, and taking care of him is part of the job description. Carlos doesn’t really mind doing it at all. He just wishes that Cecil will get better soon. He misses things being like they used to be. But, as Cecil has said, things change, and people aren’t always the same. Things aren’t always the same. He just has to learn to deal with that, however hard it may be. He can’t give up on Cecil. Or, he won’t. Or, both.


End file.
